Romance and Reality

So, amidst the "housecleaning" that God has been doing for me and my marriage, He has also been shattering perceptions that I have had about various things. One of them being romance and what I want from a man.

Picture this: it is the Friday before Mother's day and I get a call from my husband. He says that he is on his way home from a morning meeting to give me an early gift because he can't keep it hidden until Sunday as it "needs taken care of". I am all excited because I have been telling him for the last few weeks how much I want a new puppy and it would mean the world to me if he would buy me one. So I am just bouncing off the walls with anticipation, wondering if he would be so crazy about me to do such a romantic thing for me! (I know, I will talk about assumptions another time.)

He pulls in the driveway and walks in the house with a cardboard box. Inside the box? Filet mignon.

Yeah.

The emotions that went through my heart and the thoughts that went through my head were not topic for public conversation. Let's just say that I had told him earlier that week how much I hate to cook...

Finally he asks me what I think. I am about to cry. I struggle to say thank you, and am at a loss for other words, when my friend Leah walks in the door. She took one look at my face and Karl's and says "Is this a bad time?" I said no, please stay.

God used Leah that day in a huge way. She took some time to understand Karl and his reason for purchasing this particular gift. She allowed me to express my frustration and anger. She reminded me of some very simple truths: That my husband had not only thought of me, but spent a lot of money on me, AND he used one of his greatest gifts...the gift of creativity. As I thought about and dwelled on these truths, I realized that my own expectations, my own perceptions, even my own judgments were keeping me from enjoying my husband and his creativity and spontaneity.

Over the next days, my realization was tested again. Karl informed me that the date he had planned for me for mother's day was to include Laser Tag. Again, wow. This time, however, I channeled my reaction, I bounced my thoughts off of what I knew to be true, and I happily agreed.

We not only played a great game of Laser Tag, but we watched a Laser Show and played racing games in the arcade. We really connected to each other emotionally and walked away having a wonderful day.

It wasn't until afterwards that I discovered a new and amazing truth. I asked my girlfriends what they did for Mother's day. Their husbands let them sleep in, made them breakfast in bed, watched the kids while they relaxed, and took them out for dinner. Now, in my world, that would have been the "ideal" mother's day. But you know what, when I heard what their day consisted of I thought well, that's...boring.

Why were those things the "ideal"? Who says that those things will make you happy? Where did these ideas come from?

Looking back, I realize that this stems so much deeper. Every woman has their version of the ideal man, and they are all very similar. Even the things that we dream that our men should do for us are similar. Where does this come from? Why do I want this? Is this even real?

I was playing my Pandora the other day and the station I had it on played, of all things, the earliest secular influence that I remember...a band called New Kids On The Block. There were two songs in particular that I remember, Please Don't Go Girl and I'll Be Loving You Forever. Now, if I look at the lyrics and I look at the fact that these songs were guys singing to the girls they loved, it makes a lot of sense how my young, impressionable mind told me that this was normal, and that someday I would have a guy speaking words like this to me. Words that declared that he would do anything for me and I would be the center of his universe. It's no wonder why many women enter relationships wanting to be romanced, wanting to be the center of his world, wanting to know that he will never leave and that she is his first and only priority. And it isn't any wonder why so many women are so disappointed and feel let down by their men.

Back to my mother's day...where did those mother's day ideas come from? Probably the chick flicks and the hallmark cards. But you know what? I don't want a typical mother's day. I want the creativity, the spontaneity, the realness and wholeness of letting my husband go all out in the ways that he wants to to show how much he loves me. There is nothing like allowing him to speak his heart to me, his way.

It was the best mother's day ever.