You know, I have always thought that marriage was about two people deciding to spend their lives together because they have a really close relationship and they've decided that they don't want to live life without that person. And I have watched many marriages fall apart over many different things resulting in a dissolution of the marriage.
I think to myself, "there has got to be more than this". And I am right. There is more. There is much much more!
You see, marriage is not so much about being together, getting our needs met, and meeting the needs of the other person. That sounds like a list of expectations to me! ((See my post on expectations)). I've realized and researched that the marriage covenant was not designed for needs to get met, rather, it was designed to refine us.
When we enter marriage with the correct paradigm, it allows us to be free from expectations, disappointments, and ultimately divorce, because we understand the true purpose of the marriage covering. And the marriage covering is ultimately designed to be a safe place for two individuals to work out their individual issues to become the people God has designed them to be.
You see, we are all imperfect. We all have loads of things keeping us from achieving both the relationships with God and others we are designed to have, AND fulfill our purpose that God has ordained for us.
Do you see it? When we go into marriage knowing that we are to be like iron sharpening iron...to challenge each other to grow and change and seek the Lord and His will...we are immediately free to be who we are! Free from expectations, free to have our voids filled by the Lord, who is the only One who can fill them anyway!
When we go in knowing that the relationship is for us to be able to NOT BE OKAY, to NOT BE PERFECT, to NOT LIVE UP TO ANYTHING, to simply be who we are, we are free to grow. And even more than that, when we go in knowing that we may get hurt but that God is simply refining us and the other person, there is no fear, and there is no threats, especially of divorce. That person is there to walk with us through the refining process, they are not out to get us, they are acting in our best interest and we can believe the best about them! And we can believe the best about God.
Change your paradigm. Your marriage is not for you to get your needs met. Your marriage is for you to get rid of your trash, your spouse to get rid of their trash, and for the two of you to be everything that humans were designed to be and one with God.
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